soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
