How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
