you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
