I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
