I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
