Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
