Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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