I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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