I think I died a long time ago.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
