Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize