I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
