I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
