Having a random hookup so left but love u
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize