i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
