What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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