turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
