So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
