I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
