Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
