I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize