why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
