Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
