Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
