One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
