the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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