i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize