now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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