I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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