i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
