Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
