Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
