haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
