she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just want to make out with him forever
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
