very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
