How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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