TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
