and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
