remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
