Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
