do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
