I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
