I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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