drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
