Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
