Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
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I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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