the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
