i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
