I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
