hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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