I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
