Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We smell like vodka and hangover
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
