This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
