i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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