i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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