Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just invented taco cereal.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
