You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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