Rock
Scissors
Fuck
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
