Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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