took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
