she takes plan B like it's going out of style
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
