He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
