If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
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Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
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Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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