Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize