apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
