Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
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