Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
