Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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