somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
