Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i would punch a child for taco bell
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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