best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
