I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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