Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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