I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
