U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?