Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?