don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
