She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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