I hate all girls vehemently.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
