You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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