wakey wakey hands off snakey
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
