I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
