I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
