Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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