please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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