Michael Bay diarrhea
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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