my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
